Stop Saving Your Student-Athlete from Struggle
Struggling in sport is inevitable. In fact, struggling in any worthwhile endeavor is a necessary part of the process. We cannot attain skill and success without struggle. Pain is not only a part of the process, it’s part of progress. So count it all joy when your student-athlete starts to struggle.
Still, the struggle is real real when it comes to seeing our kids struggle. Whether its struggling to win a position, struggling in a skill or drill, struggling with confidence, struggling with a difficult coach, or struggling to make a shot or hit a ball; most of us are desperate to help our student-athletes when they struggle. To overcome this tendency and allow our kids the benefit of struggle we must remember a few things that will help them strive through their struggles.
The Struggle is Situational
First, the struggle is situational. Yes, that struggle is simply based on the situation that your young athlete is in right now. Chances are that whatever they are struggling with applies to a restricted time and location. Whether your athlete is struggling with a concept, a skill, a team, teammate or coach, the situation is usually time-specific and will not last forever.
If the struggle has to do with a specific person or group of people, this too shall pass. My son’s AAU used to struggle against a really good local team. They were faster and more skilled at every position (perhaps better coaching!). They would bludgeon us every game and the score would not be as close as the scoreboard might suggest. But after a while our boys got stronger and faster themselves, they got used to the speed and toughness of the opponent. We eventually beat this team several times. That struggle was just a particular situation that we had to overcome.
I can recall struggling as a freshman at the University of Tulsa. I was slow to pick up some key concepts as well as with the elevated speed of the game. But as I put in more work and gained more experience I was able to overcome this challenge and eventually become a 2x All-American.
Don’t allow the negative energy related to struggles bleed into other areas of you or your child’s psyche. This leads to point #2.
The Struggle is Singular
Know that the struggle is singular or related to a specific pain point. Do not allow this struggle to project over your child’s psyche as a whole. Going through struggle does not mean your student-athlete is flawed, but simply figuring it out. They will power through this, trust the process.
Too often we project the negative energy of a struggling situation into other areas. The struggle may be causing you or your athlete to become angry or irritable about other non-related things. Don’t allow a bad shooting night to lead to academic struggles or a benching to cause anger issues. We must work to change perspective and see the struggle as a blessing. I am fond of saying that ‘my problems are my presents.’ Yes, every problem I am facing now and ever will face, will eventually become a gift that will bless me.
The Struggle is Strategic
Struggle is always designed to improve us; in fact, we are incapable of improving without struggle. You can’t become physically strong without the struggle to lift weights. You can’t become a good spouse without the struggle to overcome tension in the relationship. You couldn’t become disciplined without suffering through some of life’s challenges.
Know that this struggle is meant to build you up. In fact, this struggle was designed specifically for you and you were designed to overcome it. Take solace in the struggle and know that you were actually created to overcome it.
What wouldn’t you be willing to go through, if you knew that every struggle would help you attain a desired goal. Well each struggle does just that. The struggle is strategically placed to help you accomplish something and it works without fail. Perhaps you will gain patience to be a better business owner, or maybe an intense work ethic that will help you become wealthy, you may even gain humility which will help you become a better friend which will unlock limitless possibilities of success.
As you can see, the struggle is strategically designed for your success.
The Struggle is Simple
The struggle is simple (ie. not complicated). If the struggle is simple then so is the solution. Too often parents become overwhelmed and overcomplicate things due to fear and anxiety. Our response to hard is either to retreat or relax. We retreat and run from the problem, refusing to deal with it. Otherwise, we relax and refuse to actually work towards a solution.
Know that if there is a struggle, there is also a solution. A mentor of mine once told me when I was faced with a struggle, ‘what are 3 things you could do right now, that if they worked, would alleviate the struggle you are facing?’
That thought process shifted my focus and caused me to realize that I don't have to sit here and struggle lying down. I can actually implement some planning and patterns that could possibly alleviate the problem.
My mentor Myron Golden says: ‘Thinking is one of the hardest things most people never do.’ Schedule some Solution Time. This is a specific time to think only on solutions to the problem. Implement this strategy by going on a walk, meditating in a car or closet, or even going on a vacation or weekend trip. I guarantee this time will help you come up with multiple solutions to deal with the issue.
The Struggle is Seamless
Struggles become strengths. Oftentimes they do so without us even knowing. As a teenager, I struggled with skin problems. I eventually learned it was because of eating bad foods. Today people always ask me why I eat so clean and I’ve almost forgotten that it was because of my initial struggle.
That struggle became a strength and I nearly lost track of when one ran into the other. If your kid is struggling with strength, height, self-esteem, skill development or anything under the sun; I need you to use your mind to fast-forward to a time when this struggle will become a strength.
I need you to visualize the very problem that is plaguing your young athlete as their greatest strength. They couldn’t hit the ball, now they never miss. They couldn’t stand the coach, now they have great relationships with all coaches and teammates, they were once too small, but now it is an advantage. You see how it works?
This isn’t hokey or magic, its truth! That struggle will become a strength, and it will happen in a blink of an eye! Then you know what happens? You will forget all about this struggle and its on to the next one. That’s the way life works.
So smile at your struggle and welcome it as a new strength!
If this content is helpful and you are in need of help in navigating your Student-Athlete’s struggles, book a Parent Playbook Phone Call at https://www.jp3training.com/parentplaybook.
Here’s to your Player’s Performance!
Dr. Jason Parker
Player Performance Specialist
JP3 Training & Performance
