Are You Too Worried About Winning???

Winning feels good doesn’t it? I mean walking out of the gym with your head held high, haviing bested your opponent feels really freaking good…especially when the opponent is a rival or salty!!!

Winning does matter! In fact, winning can serve as a huge indicator of individual success, however, winning is also the result of many factors beyond you or your player’s control.

Winning could be the result of a more experienced team going against an inexperienced team, a good coach against a not so good coach (no such thing as a bad coach), shots going in versus shots missed, a bad call from an official, a sickness or injury from a key player, etc.

Why focus on things beyond your control???

Too many parents place too much stock in winning, even to the point that they are causing their young athletes to loose.

Blinded By Success

I didn’t get on my first ‘winning’ team until high school. Unitl then, I played on teams that challenged me beyond my comfort level. We would compete against the best, but rarely beat the best.

However, while I was crying, the challenge inspired me to improve at a higher rate; while my peers became comfortable with winning. You see those parents and players from winning teams didn’t hurt after games. They weren’t racking their brains for ways to get better, they weren’t in the gym late nights and early mornings due to a desire to succeed; instead, they were blinded by success.

You become blinded by success when winning becomes your focus because ultimately you want to ‘feel’ good. You want to feel as though your sacrifice of time, energy and money is worth it. You want to feel as though you have arrived, even though you have not.

You have not arrived because all young athletes need to improve. All young athletes need to maintain a sense of urgency to get to their next level, PERIODT!

Don’t get comfortable, don’t be blinded by fake success!

The Sideline Coach

The other form of parent who is typically too worried about winning is the ‘Sideline Coach.’ This is the parent yelling ‘Pass the ball'!,’ ‘Move Your Feet!,' ‘Box Out!’ to not only their own kids, but every kid on the team! Im laughing because I’ve been this parent.

However, we must realize that game time, is test time. Games represent your young athlete’s opportunity to pass and fail the test. What’s important to note is that both outcomes are positive.

Improvement only comes from trial and error, yet most parents do not want their kids to fail, they want them to WIN!!!

Not only will winning give your young athlete a false sense of accomplishment, but winning will cause you to interrupt your young athlete’s development.

How?

Because sometimes they need to travel three possessions in a row, to seer that memory into their head. Sometimes they need to be the one to take and miss the big shot, or miss the game winning free throw, or be sat out for losing their temper because they are frustrated from having their brains beat in by the other team!

These are lessons that will not only cause them to grow their game faster, but make them better at the game of life as well.

Don’t stand in the way of losing because losing is the only thing that leads to learning and learning at the highest levels.

No I In Team

Next there’s the parent who believes there is no ‘I’ in team. Michael Jordan was famous for saying, “there’s no I in team, but there is a Me!”

This is because whether we realize it or not, team sports are comprised of individuals. If individuals don’t improve, individually and not just as a team, then the team goes nowhere.

Often, parents on a losing team will wonder why the team is losing. What can ‘we’ do better? What can the Coach do differently? ‘Maybe we need to practice more?’

Here’s a thought: maybe your kid needs to simply get better? Maybe every individual on the team needs to improve? Do you think Coach would be a better or worse coach if he had more talent to work with or players with greater basketball IQ?

Yes, a team is greater than the sum of it’s parts, and team is before self, but real teams do not exist without individuals taking on their responsibilty head on.

Don’t hide behind team success and depend on a team to shore up your child’s defieciences.

Improve as an individual, then bring your skills to the group setting where preparation has a chance to meet oppourtunity.

Win While Losing

When my reality did not include team wins, my Dad taught me that I could win each and every game if I just controlled the controllables.

Energy, Effort and Aggression where the things within my control and I was to focus on these things intently. Consequently, I became very adept at playing the game within the game.

While others were worried about the scoreboard I was worried about the fact that I hadn’t gotten a steal since last quarter, or that my man scored the last two buckets in a row, or I hadn’t gotten a paint touch this half.

Always focus on the energy your young athlete brings to the game, first and foremost. Are they on fire to be playing a game they enjoy? Are they resilient in the face of adversity? This is what you should be discussing before and after the game.

Effort is another key factor that determines individual, and therefore, team success. I see so many players who simply do not play as hard as they can. This is not only a standard that needs to be set, but one that needs to be pushed beyond thier recently established baseline, often.

Lastly, all sports are games of force and opportunity. Aggression regulates the willingness to sieze upon these factors and turn them in your favor. Agression can be regulated by tracking how often your kid touches the ball. Notice I didnt say shoot the ball! Shooting will come once the skills improve and the aggression, ie, willingness to take the advantage, is in the right place.

For almost three years, Sydney, my middle daughter, never shot the ball. Still, she was extremely agressive rebounding, defensively and handling the ball to make plays for teammates. Now she scores with regularity, however, her offensive skills have caught up with her aggresiveness.

Teach your young athlete to be aggressive despite what the scoreboard says. Some of the most effective times to improve are when the score is out of hand. Have you ever seen an NBA player or NFL Quarterback catch fire at the end of a meaningless game? All of a sudden, that confidence created when the score was out of control, will serve as the catalist that carries that player into sustained success.

But I often witness parents and players quit, just because the scoreboard tells them too.

So the next time you find yourself becoming overly concerned with winning; step away, sign aloud, and see anew! Control the controllables and key in on the factors that will make your child a better player!

Dr. Jason Parker

JP3 Training & Performance

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